| From shits to giggles |
[Apr. 24th, 2007|04:44 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | KZSC | ] |
| [ | music |
| | music of "Pop Goes The World", with DJ Topher Gauk-Roger | ] |
Sitting in the radio station all night is going to become a norm for me every Monday night/Tuesday morning.
Just when you think there really is no rewarding part of having a show of your own from 3-6am,
you receive a call at 4:45 letting you know how well you are doing and how you are making someone else's morning that much brighter.
Really makes your morning, sleep or not.
I'm pretty stressed beyond belief, but I'm content.
I've resolved everything with friends.
I'm doing things I enjoy.
I'm challenging myself with a heavy schoolworkload.
I have 3 pretty rad jobs.
My social life isn't suffereing.
And a week after everything falls to crap, I have a friend who is there to help pick it all up.
Next year does sound amazing after all. |
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| Fuck it. |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|11:24 am] |
All my great plans for next year just went flying out the window.
I don't know what to do at this point.
I feel like I'm in senior year of high school all over again.
Rejection letters, undecided future, and far too much on my plate (school-wise).
Only, now I have personal drama to top it all off.
Gahh.....I can't deal with all this right now.
I'm not where I want to be.
I'm not doing what I want.
I feel like I'm stuck in this rut.
And I seriously have no clue how to get out. |
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| Forced to move on |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|01:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bloc party | ] |
It's really hard not to be selfish in a situation like this.
I hadn't thought about it, but it really is all my fault.
It's my feelings that have been causing the turmoil within our "core group".
If I didn't care about him in the slightest, no one would be upset.
It just took hearing it from him to understand.
I never estimated how hard it would be.
Having to hear that I need to get over him.
That nothing could ever happen between us.
That it'll never be me.
From his mouth.
I've always known it, but litstening to him say it made it so much more real.
I've tried. In fact, I've been trying since the feelings first developed.
I don't know how to do it.
But it's come to the point where it's tearing my friends apart.
I've been a pretty crap friend lately.
I've just never been in a position like this & I haven't been sure what to do.
It's all up to me. I know that much.
Once I'm over it, everything can get back to normal.
But I'm not
Not in the slightest. |
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| Where's your dignity? |
[Apr. 9th, 2007|12:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the good, the bad & the queen | ] |
The last week has been ridiculous.
I forget how much my Santa Cruz life differs from my LA life.
Home is carefree, relaxing, and often delightfully dull.
Up north always seems to be far more exciting, stressful, and dramatic.
I love that I have both sides of the spectrum, but the contrast always takes me by surprise.
It's bizarre no longer being an uninvolved party.
My life revolves around the drama of my friends. Always has.
I'm the neutral individual who people always turn to & confide in.
I hear every situation from every side & never have anything to do with what's going on.
'tis Topher.
The events of the last 7-8 days, however, have thrown me into the middle of it all.
You know you watched far too much television over break when you can't help but compare your life to the characters of "The Hills".
I've discovered I'm the Lauren right now & my self-proclaimed "best friend" has quickly become my Jen Bunny.
The thing is, the guy in the middle is definitely not a Brody. Well, not to anyone except me. But even I wouldn't go that far.
I've, honestly, never been so betrayed & lied to by a friend.
In fact, I don't think I've ever been betrayed or lied to by a friend.
She stabbed me in the back, but I can't help but forgive her.
She's just about all I've got up here & she's become one of the best friends I've ever had.
I just wish she hadn't gone after the one guy I wanted.
Knowing perfectly well that I have feelings for him, he has feelings for her, & she's just in it for a drunken lay.
I threw fits, made some scenes, & did my share of silent treatments.
Finally, I got everything out & forced everyone to admit what wasn't being said ("for my sake").
And, somehow, the Brody is the one who turned on me. He kicked, whined, cried, & shouted.
Sorry, but you don't pull that type of shit with Topher.
It made me realize that my friendship with her is far too important to lose over a guy like that.
She knows what she did wrong, she's aware that she acted like a heartless bitch, & she knows how much she hurt me.
I've never been one for holding grudges & I'm more than willing to put it behind us.
It's just another example of how hard it is to find trustworthy friends in college.
But thank you, Santa Cruz, for never ceasing to keep my life interesting.
Apologies for killing off my journal. I just lost all motivation.
This may be the first entry in something new. We'll see. |
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| Lazy Sundays = crazy delicious. |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|02:23 pm] |
It's only the first day of October and it's already raining.
As much as I adore it, I could have used a bit more preparation.
Guess I'm going to stay inside all day. Sounds lovely. |
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| Jumpin on my tutu? |
[Sep. 24th, 2006|02:50 am] |
I like living on campus.
I never have to see anybody TOO often.
I do miss everyone, though.
This way, however, I feel like I spend just the right amount of time wtth everyone.
I do feel that I'm becoming a failure as an N.A.
The real problem is that I could really care less right now.
Ughhh....can't my residents just behave?! |
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| I'm indabuilding & I'm feelin myself |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|03:09 am] |
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I like the people in my life. I really do.
It's getting harder to make time for them all, but I'm going to do my best.
There's nothing better than dancing. That is fact. |
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| Something Kinda Ooooh |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|12:31 am] |
NA training is almost finished.
Those runts move in on Friday.
I'm relieved, yet utterly stressed.
The last two weeks have been delightful, but it's been so time consuming.
I mean, I only just discovered that Britney had her baby and that Bobby & Whitney are finito.
Truly, the end of an era.
Why is Fergie still going to Taco Bell?
Anyway, there is still so much to do over the next few days.
I just hope I can handle it. As long as there are no rapes or suicide attempts, I should be fine.
I'm pretty in love with the other Oakes NAs (as well as the C8 RAs), so that helps.
I haven't been too busy to not hear the new Girls Aloud & Sugababes' singles, though.
Loves them both. They've been making my iTunes very happy.
On top of my Cheetah "Strut", naturally.
Who doesn't love Michael? I mean, honestly. We all want him to win.
Oooo....and Ms. New York is back!!! I could not be more pleased.
Bitch was made for telelvision. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|01:03 am] |
Oh my lord!WTF just happened to Facebook?!
It's far too overwhelming for me to look at. |
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| Off to school we go |
[Sep. 1st, 2006|04:52 am] |
I dread packing.
I never know where to begin.
The piles & piles of stuff overwhelms me.
How it ends up getting done is beyond me.
I just go go go until I see no more clutter.
Eghh...clutter. |
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lushlust's journal
